The first snow has fallen

Truth is I love to tell my friends what you mean to me, but it came to a point that I got tired of explaining who you are. Like my job, our relationship is unconventional. Like my job, it is online.

No matter how much I told them how perfectly we fit together---emotionally and intellectually---all that registered to them was that: a) the relationship is online, b) you are a Muslim, c) you live in the desert (which is how they picture Jordan, never mind that it snows there).

I had to confess that, despite the cheesiness,  I wish I had a picture of us together to post on Facebook---the sort where we sit next to each other in a cafe (thank God you're not a tea drinker), or make funny faces, or show entwined fingers.

The other day we were talking and it was funny that we were taken aback when we both realized we've been together (or unable to move on from each other) for more than two years. You said, "time flies by so fast". Within those years  I have shifted to a new career, my best friend got married, your best friend's mother died, my best friend gave birth, you finally told your lousy GM that you're quitting, and you get to start a new business.

But we're still as far apart as when we started more than two years ago. There's still no promises; we're still hovering over an uncertain ending. I was sincere though when I told you I don't want to be like the Lei in 2011 who nags, fights and cries. I like it better now that we still love each other but are free.

I like that you call on Skype so we could talk when you wake up. You drove to work while I watch Amman through your dashboard. I asked you to point out the Syrian refugee camps from your office window. You showed me how bright it still  is outside at 7pm. 

Last year you pinged me on my messenger. It was during a spell when I was trying to avoid you, trying to move on. You pinged to tell me "the first snow has fallen".

An online relationship is not an alternative to being alone. It's as special as any other romantic relationship, and just as hard to sustain given the time difference and busy work schedules. 

They've noted how we've not met yet, without understanding that we've long started making memories together.