Status: On a shelf

Can I post this on Facebook?

Status: In a complicated state of mind with E***

Why complicated, you would ask. Because love is never a straightforward thing no matter how we say "I love you, just that". It's complicated because we don't seem to meet a person who wasn't broken in some way, myself included. There's no black and white for the rules of engagement. There should be, shouldn't there? But since you're willing to break it to exempt  certain people then there is no point to such effort.

Have you ever been to so many kinds of relationships that you feel you're safer just being in an "understanding"? Let me tell you where I've been: in an I-love-him-he-loves-me-but-he's-got-no-time-for-me, I-love-him-he-loves-me-but-he-had-to-marry-someone-else, I-love-him-he-loves-me-but-he-wants-me-to-forget-him, we're-falling-for-each-other-then-the-track-gets-cold, etc. That's where I've been; needless to say, I ended up nowhere. Will I end up nowhere with you too?

I know we've known each other for more than two years and it was a rough I-like-you-you-love-me to a you-love-me-I-love-you-BUT which was not fair to you at all. You're old enough at least to understand my cruelty of wanting to shelve you for later---for when there's no other choice but you---and expecting you to still be available when that day comes. You don't need to take this shit. Honestly, there are more worthy battles to be fought and won than my love. I feel like a child receiving gifts which I could not reciprocate. In this scenario, for once, you are older than I.

I really just can't decide what I want us to be.

But, selfishly, I want you to keep loving me.